Testimony of Barron “Broadway Barry” Minsky
Installment III 
(Taken in the presence of Inspector Osamu Levene of the Spontoon Islands Constabulary, Mick and Maura Charlton, Mr. Bernie Wister and Cheebles)

I was telling you, Mr. Mick Charlton the Thin Guy, that Miss Muriel hears from a native doll in the Sun King Club chorus line, a Miss Ippolita, about the big master peeper conference coming into the Marylebone Grand. This has Good Time Larry Lemberg all of a jangle, whatever that may be when it is at home, about his con on this ritzy doll Her Serene Highness Zelda, Prinzessin von Gornisht. He is trying to sweet-talk her while in the guise of kraut flicker director and producer Helmut von Shtupnagel so as to get all her potatoes invested in his supposed flicker project, some musical version of “The Kellys and the Cohens Out West” or “Abie’s Arapaho Rose”. He tells her that he has screenplay by S. J. Perelman, music by George Gershwin and lyrics by P. G. Wodemouse. I am telling him that he is gilding the lily more than somewhat with this. 

Howie the Hulk on the other hand is thinking that instead of the old Army game that he and Good Time Larry should be putting the snatch on the ritzy doll and hold her for ransom. I am thinking that this would end up like “The Ransom of Red Chief” but Howie the Hulk and Good Time Larry are not literary types and so are not acquainted with the instructive tales of Mr. O. Henry. This is sure to be a pity if matters turn out as I am expecting. Then Good Time Larry is saying that it would be a good thing to put the snatch on the great green eyes of the Wabb’ai Tiki idol and take it on the lam out of the Spontoons to somewhere where there is no extradition but they speak a little English. I am thinking that they are more than somewhat confused and I should be putting some distance between us. When their plans come asunder, I wish more than somewhat to be far away when they land in it.

I am relaxing around the pool at the Sun King Sports Hotel after an energetic day at the card tables. The sun is still bright and the breeze is a pleasant zephyr that is refreshing to the inner and outer man. I am thinking about the tidy pile of potatoes that I am piling up in the hotel safe in the custody of Mr. Soong King himself. Soong King is a crafty Hawaiian-born Chinese chap who owns and runs the Sports Hotel. My eyes are closing and I begin to follow the path to the kingdom of Morpheus. Suddenly I am feeling a tapping on the soles of my feet!

“Excuse me, Mr. Minsky. We need to speak with you…”

I open my peepers and want to close them again immediately. It is two guys in Spontoon copper uniforms that I have had pointed out to me before: Corporal Brak and the big guy Inspector Osamu Levene. I take a deep breath and sit up, as ready for anything as I can possibly be.