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Radio-play Transcript
"The Highwayman!"
Show 2: "The Honey Trap"
Transcribed & Edited by W.
D. Reimer
Written by W.D. Reimer, E.O. Costello, & M.Mitchell Marmel
Transcription Service Rain Island Radiocast Collective "The Highwayman!" ZYPR broadcast , July 11, 1937, 1600 Seathl time Broadcast rights reserved [GRAMS: Train bell, followed by whistle] Announcer: That is the sound of today . . . but let us turn back the clock, and hear a different sound . . . [GRAMS: Church bell] Announcer: The sound of the tocsin! Danger! Adventure! [Church bell, followed by the clattering sound of hooves coming to a stop] Highwayman: Stand and deliver! Pompous Git #1: Zounds! It’s – it’s you! The Highwayman: Yes, you aristocrat, it is I – [MUSIC: Opening bars of Sibelius’ “Finlandia”] Announcer: Yes, friends, it’s time for another thrilling adventure of “The Highwayman,” terror of the wealthy and friend to those who toil with their own paws. Presented by the Transportation Collective, and sponsored today by the makers of Whizzo Corn Flakes, the perfect way to start the day, and based on characters created by W. D. Reimer. [Music fades down] Announcer: Planning on taking a holiday this summer? Maybe a nice visit to the tropical beaches at Spontoon, or the warm and healing waters of South Tillamook? No matter where you’ll go, you’ll be safe as a cub in its mother’s paws when you travel with the Transportation Collective. Our trains have recently been upgraded to include the most up-to-date comforts. And we have recently seen the launching of the new flagship of the Worker’s Holiday fleet, the cruise ship “Northern Star,” designed with your comfort in mind. And there’s no need to worry about your safety, whether on the rails or on the sea, as our personnel have all undergone the most rigorous safety training.no matter where you plan on going this summer, you’re in safe paws with the Transportation Collective! [Music bridge] Announcer: Sir William Renart was like any other noble in Restoration England – proud and unwilling to dirty his soft paws with honest work. That is, until a day that forever changed his life and opened his eyes. Now, with the help of his trusted assistant Little James Rackham and astride his horse Concorde, he rides out by night, a latter-day Robin Hood, to strike back at all those who would seek to oppress honest working furs! Tonight's story is called..."The Honey Trap." [Brief musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of two sets of footsteps on stone floor, a soft cough] James Rackham (“Happy” Harry Cox): My word, Parson, that cough sounds worse. Anthony Miller (Anselmo Pederazy): Oh, it’s nothing, James. Just a little touch of something, I daresay. It’s this damp, cold weather. Rackham: Well, at least let me offer you something hot to drink after you visit with Sir William. Miller: Thank you, James. Most charitable of you, most charitable indeed. [GRAMS: Footsteps stop, sound of knock on wooden door] Sir William Renart(Dave Casman) (off-mike): Who is it? Rackham: Me, sir, with Parson Miller. Renart (off-mike): Ah! Please come in. [GRAMS: Sound of door, footsteps, door closing] Renart: Parson Miller, so glad to see you today. Come, sit here by the fire and tell me what’s on your mind. [GRAMS: Sound of wood chair creaking] Miller: Thank you, Sir William. [sighs] Ah, that fire feels good on these frail bones. Were it not for my duties here, I would try emigrating to Jamaica. But, that’s neither here nor there. Sir William, have you heard the latest? Renart: James here can tell that I am a late sleeper of many a morn, Parson. What’s the news? Miller: The Highwayman struck again last night. Renart: Who? Oh, him. [snort] Quite frankly, Parson, the actions of another rascally footpad on the road is a matter of complete indifference to me. Miller: You’d sing a different tune, Sir William, if you met him muzzle to muzzle. Renart: [laughs] I suppose I would, at that. I’m a dreadful coward, you know. I’m sure I’d sing whatever tune was demanded. Still, what’s he done now? Rackham: He’s robbed the London coach, sir. Renart: The London coach! Miller: [coughs] Yes, Sir William. He not only stole the militia’s payroll, but had the gall to rob Lord Morgan’s secretary! Renart: ‘Pon my word, he’s a bold one! Miller: Lord Morgan’s so angry at this, in fact, that he’s applied to London for more troops, and regulars at that. [coughs] Renart: James, fetch Parson Miller a small brandy to chase that chill out of him. Rackham: Yes, sir. [GRAMS: Footsteps, followed by a glass stopper being pulled, and liquid being poured, followed by the stopper being put back] Rackham: Here you are, Parson. [GRAMS: Footsteps] Miller: Thank you, James. Ah! Much better. As I was saying, Lord Morgan has called for more troops. No local militia, either. Trained troops from London. Renart: Interesting. How does he intend to pay them? I dare say the Highwayman is not likely to turn up on payday. Miller: By levy on the households. Rackham: A levy? Dash it, that’s a hard blow in these parts. Renart: James, please. I think I can manage to pay for all those within my holdings, Parson. It’s the least I can do. It will soften the blow for them, given how little they have. Miller: Thank you, Sir William, you’re a generous and Christian gentlefur. I was hoping that would be your reaction. I am sorry that I can not stay longer, but I must be about my business. Thank you very much for the brandy, and for your kind assistance. [GRAMS: Wood chair creaking] Renart: If there’s anything else I can do, Parson, you just let me know. Miller: Thank you, Sir William. Rackham: I’ll see you out, Parson. [GRAMS: Door opening, footsteps, door closing] [GRAMS: Door opening, footsteps] Rackham: That’s bad news, Will, no mistake about that. ‘Specially given the way the crops were last season. Renart: You’re right about that, James. I suppose it was too much to hope that Morgan would shy from grinding the faces of the poor further into the mire. Not satisfied with all the money and power he has already. I think he’ll find, though, that his expectations will not be met . . . [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sounds of crickets, occasional owl hooting; sound of cartwheels on stone cobbles] William ‘Bill’ Bullock (Jonas Acme): ‘Ere now! Stop there, in the name of the law! [GRAMS: Sound of wheels creaking to a halt] Farmer: Oh, for heaven’s sake, Bullock. It’s only me. You’re not impressing anyone. What do you want? Bullock: I’m hungry, I is. Just need a little fortifying snack . . . Farmer: Hey! You pay for that apple! I can’t be doling out apples to the likes of you and feed my kits at the same time. Bullock: Oh, you be wanting payment, then? I’ll pay you three . . . three knocks on the head with a length of ash . . . [GRAMS: Sound of wooden club against stone cobbles] Farmer: You blasted . . . why, if you weren’t the village constable, I’d . . . Bullock: None of that, my good man, or you’ll be cooling your heels in the village jail. Farmer: You mark my words, Bill Bullock, you mark my words: the Highwayman will put an end to your thieving, one of these days. Bullock: [laughs] That’s a good one! I’m not afraid of any slinking thief hiding behind a pistol and mask. Come a fair fight, I’d show the Highwayman a thing or two about justice. Now, be off with you! Farmer: (Inarticulate grumbling) [GRAMS: Sound of cartwheels creaking, receding into distance] Bullock: (chuckles) [GRAMS: Sound of apple being chewed noisily] Renart: I do hate to interrupt a man in the middle of his – what is it, sixth meal? But I’d prefer it if you didn’t move, Constable. [GRAMS: Rustling leaves] Bullock: Who . . . Who says that? Renart: The sword I’m holding to your side speaks far more eloquently than I can. Now, drop the club, there’s a good fellow. [GRAMS: Sound of wooden club hitting stone] Bullock: (gasps) Th . . . The Highwayman! Renart: You know, I chanced to overhear your conversation just now. So, I’d be afraid to face you in a fair fight, eh? Perhaps you do have a point, at that . . . Bullock: I . . . I do? Renart: Oh yes, yess. Maybe the fight would be fairer if you weren’t so fat. (chuckles) Maybe I should put a hole in you with my sword and let some of that hot air out. Bullock: N-no, please sir! I didn’t mean anything by that. Renart: Words, idle words Constable. Here, your tailor has done a poor job on your uniform. These seams near your tail . . . [GRAMS: Sound of cloth being sliced] Bullock: OW! Yes, y-yes, sir, I’m a c-coward. Renart: And a well-ventilated coward, at that. Well, Coward, go and tell Lord Morgan for me that he won’t get away with his plans to impose a levy on the hearths of this shire, to pay his mercenaries. Not as long as I, the Highwayman, am looking out for the furs here. Now, go, and go with all speed! [GRAMS: Sound of sword cutting air, sound of ripping cloth three times] Bullock: OW! OW! [GRAMS: Sound of bovine footsteps thudding into the distance] Renart: (chuckles softly) Zounds, I haven’t seen our dear Constable move so fast since he rescued that cartload of ale. Such a pity I will not be there when he musters up his scant courage and passes on to Lord Morgan the message from . . . the Highwayman! [GRAMS: Sound of vulpine footsteps; rustling leaves] [Musical bridge] Announcer: While we wait for Constable Bullock to catch his breath, now is a great time to tell all you kids out there about an exciting gift from Whizzo Corn Flakes! Kids, keep an eye out for upcoming boxes of Whizzo Corn Flakes, the perfect way to start the day, because on the back of every box you’ll find The Highwayman’s mask! Yes! Now you too can be The Highwayman, friend to all good, honest working furs! Get yours today! [Musical bridge] Bullock: Lord Morgan, I – [GRAMS: Sound of lupine foot stamping on the wooden floor] Lord Richard Morgan Alvin Bradshaw): Don’t weary me with your mendacious yarns, Bullock. Like as maybe, you tore your trousers while napping amongst the thistles, or robbing a blackberry bush. No . . . I don’t see a mess of juice around your gaping muzzle, so it’s more likely you were sleeping. Bullock: B-But sir, the H-Highwayman! I fought him! Morgan: You fought him. Bullock: Yes, sir. Morgan: You fought the Highwayman. Bullock: And it were a ferocious battle, it was, sir. Me with my club, and him with his dirty great big sword, sir. Morgan: I see. Bullock: Yes sir. Morgan: I believe, Bullock, that your tale would have more plausibility were it not for the fact that you’d have trouble defeating the aged inmates of a convent. Bullock: But, sir . . . [GRAMS: Door opening, lupine footsteps] Lady Amy Morgan (Lilly Lamont): Father? Father? Was that you? Why are you shouting? Morgan: I’m sorry, Amy my dear. I am in the middle of discussing a matter with the Constable here, and - Amy: EEK! Morgan: What? Amy: His trousers are in tatters! [GRAMS: Sound of running footsteps, slamming door] Morgan: Amy! (growls) Bullock! Bullock: Yes, sir? Morgan: Get out of my sight before I have you hanged. Bullock: Ye-yessir. At once, sir! [GRAMS: Sound of running, door opening and closing] Morgan: (muttering) Fool. What good is such an instrument, when it’s so blunt and dull? [GRAMS: Sound of picking up small brass bell and ringing it] [GRAMS: Door opening, with hinge creak] Servant: Yes, my Lord? Morgan: Ask Captain de Winter to come to me here. Servant: At once, sir. [GRAMS: Door closing, with hinge creak] [GRAMS: Tapping on door] Morgan: Enter. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Amy: Is he gone, Father? Morgan: Yes, he’s gone, my angel. What did you want to tell me? Is there anything the matter? Amy: I was going to ask you if you were going to have that nice Sir William over for dinner tonight. Morgan: Hmm? Oh, of Janus Manor? Well, yes, I suppose so. It would be a bit refreshing to hear some intelligent conversation for a change . . . [GRAMS: Sound of knocking on the door] Morgan: Come in. [GRAMS: Door opening, with hinge creak] Servant: Captain de Winter, sir. [GRAMS: Sound of boots on wood floor, door closing with hinge creak] Morgan: Ah, Captain de Winter. Excuse me a moment. Amy, could you step out of the room for a moment – I wish to talk to the good captain on an important business matter. Amy: Very well, Father. Captain. Adam de Winter (Rocky Rococo): My lady. [GRAMS: Footsteps, door opening and closing] Morgan: Captain, I’m quite interested to know if you’ve developed any plans to rid this shire of that accursed Highwayman. De Winter: Well, m’lord, I’ve made sure the news of your levy has been distributed far and wide. We’ll see the brush of the Highwayman soon enough, he’ll have to come out or lose his reputation. And then . . . well, it’s hard to keep your reputation, when you can’t keep your head, eh? (chuckles) Morgan: (chuckles) Splendid, Captain. De Winter: Of course, m’lord, there is the question of setting the trap for the Highwayman. For that, I shall need bait. Morgan: Bait? De Winter: Just so, sir. Say, a young and pretty – not to mention wealthy – daughter of the local lord? Morgan: Great Scott, are you mad? You dare suggest that I use my own flesh and blood to trap a common scoundrel? De Winter: Not a common scoundrel, m’lord, but the Highwayman. Morgan: Hmm. Yes . . . well, put like that . . . what do you propose? De Winter: I have a map, m’lord, that may help explain . . . [GRAMS: Unrolling paper] [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of silverware on pewter plates, soft music in the background] Amy: (laughs) Oh, Sir William, what a funny story! So the miller never found out who took his shoes? Renart: No, my lady, and he didn’t get them back until he apologized. Strange to say, the shoes were found hanging from the village Maypole a day later. Amy: (giggles) Sir William, why do you stay down here in the shire, and not go up to London? Renart: Well, it may be hard to explain, my lady. You see, I like this area, and I like the people. I’ve been to London, and seen the Court about the King. Give me a county fair with honest, hard-working furs over a garden party at Hampton Court any day. Morgan: You’ve been out here in the country too long, my young friend. You’ll forget your place before too long. Renart: I like to think that my place is with the people, Lord Morgan. After all, they’re the ones who keep our country going. De Winter: But how do you expect to keep the common people in their place, Sir William? Who tells them what to produce and what to build? Renart: I think they have quite a bit of common sense, Captain de Winter. After all, they are the common people, eh what? [GRAMS: Sound of glass stopper being removed, sound of liquid pouring; sound of glass stopper being replaced] Renart: And as for keeping people in their place, I am wondering what you plan on doing about this Highwayman character I hear so much about. De Winter: Never fear, Sir William, we’ll have a noose around his neck soon. Renart: Are you sure? He seems to be quite a resourceful fellow. De Winter: (growls) I too can be quite resourceful, Sir William. Renart: Then I wish you all success in finding him – you do have to find him first, before you catch him, don’t you? De Winter: (growls) [GRAMS: Sound of chair being pushed back] De Winter: I didn’t come to this table to be insulted. Amy: Oh, the Highwayman, the Highwayman! That’s all I ever hear about anymore, whether it’s from Father or from you, Captain. It’s like he’s some frightful boogeyman out of a bad story. Renart: Quite right, my lady. Come Captain, sit down. We’ve let a little difference of opinion upset our fair and charming hostess. De Winter: Very well. [GRAMS: Sound of chair being pushed] Morgan: Suppose you’d like to come out with the Captain two nights from tonight, Sir William, and help him search for this blackguard? Renart: Me? Heavens, no, my Lord! I’d be next to useless stumbling around in the dark. I would be of more assistance were I tucked safely in my bed. [Musical bridge] Announcer: Stay tuned to this station, Station ZYPR for the thrilling conclusion of this week’s episode of “The Highwayman!” But first we here at ZYPR want to offer a musical intermission, so here are Woody Harlow and the Pike Street Buskers to perform “Those Rails Lead Back to My Darling.” [Performance by the Pike Street Buskers] [Pause for applause] Announcer: Mr. Harlow and the Pike Street Buskers will be appearing this coming week at the Shonomish Fairgrounds, within easy reach of the lines of the Transportation Collective. Consult your local stationmaster for train times. [Musical bridge] Announcer: And now, Station ZYPR, the Transportation Collective and Whizzo Corn Flakes are pleased to present the thrilling conclusion of this week’s episode of “The Highwayman!” As we have seen, the evil Lord Morgan and his henchman, Captain de Winter, have hatched out a plan to trap the intrepid defender of working furs by using Lord Morgan’s own daughter Amy as bait . . . [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sounds of wind through tree branches, leaves rustling] Renart: A perfect night, this – no moon, and clouds covering the sky. Now, to see just what it is Morgan and de Winter are up to . . . [GRAMS: Leaves rustling, footsteps] Renart: Ah! The two of them are talking. I’ll just slip up to the window . . . Morgan: (muffled) Confound it, de Winter, I still feel uneasy about this. De Winter: (muffled) Rest easy, my Lord. I’ll have militia hiding out everywhere. Morgan: (muffled) See that you do. And keep that map in a safe place. [GRAMS: Muffled sound of door closing] Renart: A map, eh? Let’s just see what they’re planning. [GRAMS: Sound of metal knife scraping over metal, soft creak as window is opened] [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps on floor] Renart: (softly) So, this is their trap, eh? I always knew that de Winter was a blackguard, but this is a new low for him. [GRAMS: Sound of muffled footsteps, growing louder] Renart: Zounds! They’re coming back! No time to get back to the window; I’ll have to hide somewhere! Where . . . ah! Behind the arras! [GRAMS: Quick, light footsteps; a swish of heavy fabric] [GRAMS: Door opening] Morgan: As I expected, Captain, you left the map on the table. [GRAMS: Sound of rustling paper] Morgan: You know that you can’t leave this lying about, de Winter. Some of the servants might be spies for that infernal Highwayman . . . [GRAMS: Sound of receding footsteps, door closing] [GRAMS: Swish of heavy fabric] Renart: A splendid idea, my Lord. I’ll have to see if James talks to anyone from your household. The poor wolf can’t see past his own nose, either – he never noticed that I failed to close the window when I entered. [GRAMS: Stealthy footsteps, a swish of fabric and a soft creak as the window is closed] Renart: Now, to steal away into the darkness . . . [GRAMS: Leaves rustling] Guard #1: Halt! Who goes there? Guard #2: It’s – it’s the Highwayman! Constable, it’s the Highwayman!! Bullock: Raise the alarm! We’ve got the fox now! Renart: Oh, you think you do, Bullock? You’ve tried before. Bullock: With what I’ve got here, you blackguard, that black mask and cloak won’t protect you. [GRAMS: Sound of flintlock being cocked] Renart: You should be careful, Bullock, how you aim that pretty blunderbuss... [GRAMS: Sound of running feet] Bullock: Stop, you! [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Morgan: What’s going on? Bullock: Stop, I say! [GRAMS: Sound of gun going off, off-mike] Morgan: OWWW! Amy: Father? What’s wrong? Morgan: That stupid bull shot me in the – Amy: Father! Language, please!! Morgan: - in the tail! BULLOCK! Bullock: Sorry, m’lord. Renart: Your aim’s like your table manners, Bullock – very sloppy. And a pleasant night to you, Lord Morgan! [GRAMS: Running footsteps, rustling leaves] Bullock: Come on, men! He’s getting away! [GRAMS: Running footsteps, rustling leaves] [GRAMS: Sound of galloping horse] Renart: Those who make the poor and powerless suffer, beware! The Highwayman is on your tail! Ride, Concorde! [GRAMS: Galloping horse, receding] (Musical bridge) Renart: James! James, where are you, my lad? Rackham: Here, Will. What’s the matter? Renart: (laughs) What, didn’t you hear the shout? Lord Morgan gained a bit of weight in his tail, courtesy of Constable Bullock’s blunderbuss. Rackham: (laughs) I’ll bet that’ll have His Lordship hopping mad. Renart: But naturally, James. After all, he can’t sit down (Both laugh) [GRAMS: Sound of heavy cloak rustling] Renart: Now, I’ve learned something of their plans to trap the Highwayman. The levy is solely for his benefit. Rackham: As we expected, Will. It’s bait to draw you out. Renart: Yes, and they’re expecting the Highwayman to pay them a visit. Rackham: (laughs) Of course! The Highwayman’s a gentlefur, isn’t he? One cannot pass up a social obligation like that. Renart: (laughs) Right you are, my friend. You know, ^ Lord Morgan gave me an idea. Rackham: Good heavens, he had one to spare? Such extravagence. Renart: (chuckles) Which is why I’m indebted to him for sharing what he has. Have you ever spoken to any of his servants? Even one might be a useful set of ears and eyes in his house. Rackham: Hmm, I never thought of it before . . . there may be one or two I can talk to, quiet-like. Certainly, he’s a hard master, and it won’t be hard to get tongues to loosen. Renart: I think it might . . . ssh! Do you hear that? [GRAMS: Sound of hoofbeats drawing closer] Renart: Great Scott! Could they have tracked me here? Rackham: I doubt it, Will. De Winter hasn’t the wit. [GRAMS: Sound of horses reined in, footsteps on stone, drawing closer] [GRAMS: Knocking on door] Renart: Go and let them in, James, or they’ll break the door down. I will stash my disguise behind this panel. Rackham: Right. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps] [GRAMS: (off-mike) Sound of door opening, indistinct voices] [GRAMS: Approaching footsteps] De Winter: Sir William? Renart: Captain de Winter! Good gracious me, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. De Winter: What I’ve seen, Sir William, is the Highwayman. That thieving fox had the cheek to set foot on Lord Morgan’s property, and we’ve pursued him in this direction. Renart: Really! Do you think he’s still lurking about? De Winter: I do, Sir William, and I’d like to ask you to help us search your estate. Renart: Oh, of course, Captain. Always willing to do a good turn for one of the King’s officers. De Winter: Splendid. Have your servant here collect torches and help us look for some sign of him. [GRAMS: Footsteps receding from the room] Rackham: Servants, is it? I’ll give him one of those torches – a good hard clip against his ear’ll teach that ferret some manners. Renart: Hold steady, my friend. He’ll get his eventually. Now, let’s raise the household and look for the Highwayman, shall we? Rackham: Of course we won’t find him. Renart: (laughs) Exactly. Provided I don’t pass any mirrors. (Musical bridge) Rackham: I wonder if Sir William has warned the good captain about the rotten footbridge over the millpond. [GRAMS: Loud splash] Rackham: Oh, my. He’ll catch *such* a chill. Renart: Good heavens, Captain! It slipped my mind about that footbridge. I’m frightfully sorry... [GRAMS: Frog going ‘ribbit’] (Musical bridge) Announcer: Hey kids! While Sir William pulls the unlucky Captain de Winter from the lily pond, the makers of Whizzo Corn Flakes, the best way to start the day, has an important announcement! Starting this week, Whizzo Corn Flakes will be giving away spoons with the signature of the Highwayman stamped into the handle, and the image of the Highwayman in full disguise on the bowl. Just send your name, address, four boxtops from Whizzo Corn Flakes, and ten cents postage, care of this station, and within two weeks you will be eating breakfast with the Highwayman! And probably enjoying it more than Constable Bullock would. And now, back to our program! (Musical bridge) [GRAMS: Rooster crowing] [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Renart: Yes, it’s dashed bad luck we didn’t get him, Captain. You get along home now, and stay well-wrapped. You may want to take some whiskey... [Thunderous sneeze] Renart: ...to prevent a cold. [GRAMS: Sound of door closing] Rackham: Good morning, Will. Seeing the Captain off? Renart: (laughs) Yes, indeed. I hated to see him catch cold, but he would choose to go swimming in the dead of night, then slog about the woods until dawn. Rackham: A fellow might catch his death out there. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps] Renart: Join me in a cider, James? You’re quite right...a fellow might catch his death out there...if he did not take care to keep his disguise. Had to play the fool, of course. Rackham: (snickers) I saw, Will. A fine pair of water nymphs you two would have made. (Both laugh) Renart: (yawns) It’s been a long night. Is there any breakfast in the kitchen, James? Rackham: There’s porridge leftover, with some sausage. Renart: Splendid. A nice hot bowl of porridge to stick to my ribs, and a piping hot mug of cider, and I’m off to bed. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps, door opening] Rackham: Hold on a moment, Will! Renart: What is it, James? Rackham: There’s a carriage coming up the lane to the door. [GRAMS: Sound of curtain being pulled aside] Rackham: It’s Lord Morgan’s carriage! Renart: Oh, bother. What does that wolf want now? [GRAMS: Sound of carriage wheels, off-mike] Rackham: Hmm! Renart: What? Rackham: Lord Morgan’s not in the carriage. Renart: Then who is it? Rackham: (chuckles) Someone who might bring more warmth to your bones than a bowl of porridge. I’ll go let her in. [GRAMS: Footsteps, receding] Renart: This is a deuced complication. What could she want? [GRAMS: Footsteps, approaching] Rackham: Lady Amy Morgan, Sir William. Renart: Lady Amy! This is quite a pleasant surprise! What brings you out in the early morning? Amy: Sir William, how are you? Did you and Captain de Winter find the Highwayman? Renart: I confess, Lady Amy, that the only thing Captain de Winter and I laid our paws upon was an unfortunate frog, and a few pounds worth of the finest lake muck. Amy: Oh, you poor dear! Renart: I’m afraid that’s James, over there, Lady Amy. Amy: (giggles) It’s wonderful of you, Sir William, to joke when you’re not feeling well. I might be inclined to nurse you back to health. Rackham: (coughs softly) Renart: Er, well, Lady Amy . . . I am sure that I could not ask for a more caring nurse. But I fear your father may disapprove of that. Amy: He would, Sir William, but I wouldn’t mind. (sighs) Anyway, I was coming by to see if you and the Captain had found that villainous fox. Renart: Alas, no, my Lady. Amy: And since you’re not well, I fear that my trip here was all for nothing. I was going to invite you to join me at church tonight. Renart: Church? Parson Miller having a meeting? Amy: I thought you might have heard – the Parson has organized a charity collection among the gentry to help the poor furs in the village with their share of the levy Father has imposed. Renart: Will your father be accompanying you? Amy: No. Renart: Indeed? (coughs) Lady Amy, I would ask a favor of you. Amy: Yes, Sir William? Renart: Please be so kind as to convey my apologies to Parson Miller, my Lady. I feel a chill coming on. But he and I have made suitable arrangements, in any event. Amy: Ah, he’ll be sorry that you won’t be there to lend a paw, Sir William. But I’ll tell him . . . [GRAMS: Sound of soft kiss] Amy: . . . and I truly regret your being ill. Good-bye, Sir William. [GRAMS: Receding footsteps, door closing] Rackham: Upon my word, she’s a bold and saucy one, Will! Renart: Yes, that’s London manners for you, James. So, a meeting tonight? With Amy going out alone and unprotected? Rackham: Sounds like that trap is ready to spring. Renart: An ill-disguised one at that. But first, a bite of breakfast and a nap, or I truly will have a cold. (Musical bridge) [GRAMS: Night sounds – owl hooting, crickets chirping, wind rustling leaves] Morgan: Is everything ready? De Winter: Yes, my Lord. She’s all alone in your carriage, a perfect target for the Highwayman. Morgan: Good. Are your men ready? De Winter: Yes, my Lord. Constable Bullock is with them. (chuckles) Without his blunderbuss. Morgan: (growls) De Winter: My apologies, my Lord. We’ll get him this time. [GRAMS: Church bell, distant off-mike] Renart: This time, Captain? Your optimism cheers me greatly. De Winter: You! [GRAMS: Sound of sword being drawn] De Winter: Lord Morgan! Here he is! Let’s get him! Renart: Which is the heavier of the two? Lord Morgan first, then. [GRAMS: Sound of sword being drawn] [GRAMS: Sound of punch striking nose] Morgan: OWW! [GRAMS: Sound of large body falling to ground] Renart: See how you like being bloodied at both ends, Morgan. Now, de Winter, you were saying? De Winter: Blast you, you mangy fox – have at you! [GRAMS: Sound of sword fight; Renart and De Winter’s voices over the sound] De Winter: Why are you backing up, Highwayman? A coward, on top of being a criminal? Renart: Far from it, Captain – just getting out into the road where I can get a good look at you. [GRAMS: Sword fight] [GRAMS: Sound of approaching carriage] Coachman: Hey! Watch out! [GRAMS: Sound of wheels skidding on cobblestones; horses neighing] Coachman: Look out! [GRAMS: Sounds of horses rearing, and axle breaking.] Driver: Oi! Bleedin’ varlet! You’ve gone an’ busted the wheels on Lord Morgan’s carriage, you ‘ave! De Winter: Lady Morgan! You’ll pay for that, Highwayman! Renart: For what? We were both out in the street – pity that Morgan can’t afford a decent driver for his coach...I see you’re slow to help the lady, Captain, so... [GRAMS: Sound of carriage door opening. Sound of feminine groan] Amy: What – what happened? Renart: (muttered) Thank the Lord she’s all right. She’s just swooned. De Winter: Lady Amy! Stay back! It’s the Highwayman! Amy: Who? What? De Winter: Get your vile paws off Lady Amy, you villain! Amy: Eek! Renart: Fear not, Lady Morgan, just seeing if you’re unhurt. [GRAMS: Sound of soft kiss] Renart: Rest assured that that is all I’ll ever steal from you, my Lady. De Winter: Why, you - ! [GRAMS: Sword fight] Morgan: Amy! Amy! Are you all right? Amy: (rather soft, almost thoughtful tone) Yes, Father. [GRAMS: Sword fight, sound of running feet] De Winter: I have you now, fox – can you hold off all of us? Renart: I don’t need to, Captain. [GRAMS: Sound of a sword being shattered] Renart: All of you, stand still! Or Captain de Winter earns a new mouth below his chin. Stand very still, Captain, my blade is at your throat. Bullock: (panting) Sir! Sir! We heard – Renart: You heard right, Bullock. Now, Captain, tell your masters that there’ll be no levy on the good working furs in this county. De Winter: Never. Renart: Very well – your neck, then. De Winter: Wait! Wait! Agreed, no levy. Blast you, you villainous fox. Renart: Good. And now I take my leave. You want him, Bullock? You can have him. [GRAMS: Boot against backside] De Winter: Ow! [GRAMS: Sound of running footsteps] De Winter: Don’t just stand there, you fools! After him! [GRAMS: Sound of running footsteps, receding into distance] [Brief musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of approaching hooves] Guard: Halt! Renart: Halt! I say, what impertinence! It’s getting so a fur can’t travel on the King’s Highway without... Lord Morgan, what are you doing here? Morgan: Trying to stop my nose from bleeding. Renart: What happened? Amy: The Highwayman was here, Sir William! Renart: Was he? I hope Captain de Winter was successful in catching him. Morgan: As usual, de Winter’s incompetence is exceeded only by his boasts. But we’ll catch that villain, mark my words. Renart: I look forward to that day, Lord Morgan. Lady Amy, are you hurt? Amy: I’m fine, Sir William. Renart: Excellent. Well, I’m headed back to Janus Manor – it’s quite hectic here, and I feel my cold coming back to me. The night air, y’know. [GRAMS: Sound of hooves] Renart: If you think to catch the Highwayman, Lord Morgan, you’d best think again. He’s not that easy to snare. [GRAMS: Sound of hooves as horse breaks into a fast gallop] Renart: Those who make the poor and powerless suffer, beware! The Highwayman is on your tail! [GRAMS: Sound of galloping horse] [Music, then end.] Announcer: That concludes this week’s thrilling episode of "The Highwayman", brought to you by Whizzo Corn Flakes, the great way to start the day. Announcer: Traveling this summer? Maybe you’re going to visit relatives, or just go somewhere to unwind. But, you know, traveling can be a bit of a chore. Keeping track of everything can really distract you away from enjoying yourself. That’s why the Rain Island Transportation Collective is proud to present our new package holidays! For a single low price, all of your travel and accommodation needs will be met, leaving you to relax! The Collective’s trains, ferries and cruise liners are some of the best in the world, thanks to hard-working men and women who know that what you need on vacation is relaxation, not problems. And how do they know? Because they’re workers, just like you are! Our latest vacation package is two weeks in tropical Spontoon, with cruise tickets and hotel rooms covered in the price of the package. All you’ll have to do is pack light, because it’s warm down there in the summer! Remember, if you’re going from one town to another, or taking a vacation, relax and leave your troubles in the paws of the hard-working furs of the Rain Island Transportation Collective! [Music: “See the Conquering Hero Comes” from Handel’s "Judas Maccabaeus" under the announcer] Announcer: You have been listening to the Highwayman adventure “The Honey Trap,” written by W.D. Reimer, E.O. Costello and M. Mitchell Marmel, and based on characters created by W.D. Reimer. Sir William Renart was played by Dave Casman, Lord Richard Morgan by Alvin Bradshaw, Lady Amy Morgan by Lilly Lamont. Little James Rackham was played by “Happy” Harry Cox, Captain de Winter by Rocky Rococo, Constable Bullock by Jonas Acme, and Parson Miller by Anselmo Pederazy. Additional parts were played by the Radiocast Collective Players – George Papoon, Frank Acne Jr., Melanie Haber, Audrey Farber, and Susan Underhill. The Pike Street Buskers appeared on this program through the courtesy of the Artist’s Collective of Seathl. Musical arrangements were made by Betty Jo Bialowski, and the program was directed by Eric O. Costello. Tune in again this same time next Sunday for another thrilling adventure of “The Highwayman.” This is Ken Fletcher, speaking for the Rain Island Transportation Collective. [Music: "Light Cavalry Overture" closing bars] Announcer: This is the Rain Island Radiocast Collective. [Gong in major thirds] Announcer: Stay tuned for "The Dinner Hour Concert," coming up next. Transcribed and edited by Walter D. Reimer |