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Radio-play Transcript
"The Highwayman!"
Show 3: "Tavern of Death"
Transcribed & Edited by W.
D. Reimer
Written by W.D. Reimer, E.O. Costello, & M.Mitchell Marmel
| Transcription
Service Rain Island Radiocast Collective "The Highwayman!" ZYPR broadcast, July 18, 1937, 1600 Seathl time Broadcast rights reserved [GRAMS: Galloping horse] Announcer: Hoofbeats! Who is that approaching, riding his horse at such breakneck speed? Can it be . . . ? [Clattering sound of hooves coming to a stop] Highwayman: Stand and deliver! Pompous Git #1: Oh, no! Good Lord – it’s - ! Highwayman: Yes, you aristocrat, it is I – [MUSIC: Opening bars of Sibelius’ “Finlandia”] Announcer: Yes, friends, it’s time for another thrilling adventure of “The Highwayman,” terror of the wealthy and friend to those who toil with their own paws. Presented by the Transportation Collective, and sponsored this week by United Dairies, purveyors of only the best milk and cheese products in Rain Island, and based on characters created by W. D. Reimer. [Music fades down] Announcer: Friends, there’s nothing like the beauty of summer, is there? The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and you look forward to that hard-earned vacation. Well, we here at the Transportation Collective know that feeling well, and we’re here to satisfy your vacation needs. Whether it’s camping, sleeping under the stars beside a babbling brook, or visiting the beautiful beaches that make Spontoon one of the most attractive places to visit, the Transportation Collective stands ready to serve you. Concerned about safety? No need to worry, my friends, because all of our hard-working staff have all undergone the most rigorous safety training. So, no matter where you plan on going this summer, you’re in safe paws with the Transportation Collective! [Music bridge] Announcer: Sir William Renart was like any other noble in Restoration England – proud and unwilling to dirty his soft paws with honest work. That is, until a day that forever changed his life and opened his eyes. Now, with the help of his trusted assistant Little James Rackham and astride his horse Concorde, he rides out by night, a latter-day Robin Hood, to strike back at all those who would seek to oppress honest working furs! Tonight's story is called..."Tavern of Death." [Brief musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of two sets of rapid footsteps on stone floor] Sir William Renart (Dave Casman): Are the linens in the guest room ready? And is there enough ale in the house? James Rackham (“Happy” Harry Cox): Yes, Will. (chuckles) There’s enough ale to float a ship of the line. Renart: Good. It’s dashed awkward, having my father show up to spend a week here. Rackham: It could be worse, Will – he could have brought your Aunt. Renart: (laughs) Good Lord . . . you’re right, that would be worse. [GRAMS: Off-mike sound of knock on wooden door] Renart: Right on time, too. Go and let him in, James, or he’ll have the whole house down around our ears. Rackham: Yes, sir. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps, receding] Renart (muttering): Dashed awkward. [GRAMS: Sound of door, footsteps, door closing] Rackham: Baron Renart, sir. Baron Clifford Renart (George Papoon): William! How are you, my boy? Renart: I’m very well, Father. Please, do sit down. Did you have a good trip down from Foxhaven? [GRAMS: Sound of chair creaking] Clifford: Good of you to offer your old Dad a chair, son. My gout is paining me a bit today. The road is in dire need of repair, so much so I should have taken a horse to get here, rather than a coach-and-four. Reminded me of being at sea. Sit down, boy, and let’s have a talk. Renart: Thank you, Father. James, fetch a drop of Madeira, would you. Clifford: (laughs) Now, now, none of that! A fine thing when a Renart can’t enjoy the fruits of his own estate’s brewery. James, a tankard of ale, if you please. Rackham: Of course, sir. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps receding] Renart: Father, what brings you down here to Janus Manor? Clifford: What brings me down? Why, your marriage, son. Renart: My marriage? I wasn’t aware I was even engaged. Clifford: And that’s the trouble, you young kit. Your mother and I are worried that we won’t see any heirs. I’d certainly look down on your uncle Grayson falling heir to the family’s title and estates. That Roundhead won’t stop going on about the King – I as much as told him to emigrate to America, if that’s his attitude. (snorts) Renart: [laughs] Well, Father, I really haven’t found anyone suitable, you know. Clifford: Nonsense! Lots of eligible girls around. Why, take that young wolfess – what’s her name, Lord Morgan’s daughter? Renart: Amy? Clifford: That’s her! She’d make a fine match for you, and I daresay Morgan might want her off his paws. Calm his soul to see his estates well bestowed. Renart: ‘Pon my word, Father. This is – well, it’s all rather sudden. [GRAMS: Footsteps] Rackham: Your ale, Lord Clifford. Clifford: Ah, thank you, James! (sound of drinking) Ah! That’s fine! Now, where was I? Oh, yes. It shouldn’t be a shock, William my boy. You’re old enough to get married. Renart: Well, Amy’s being courted by the local militia captain, De Winter. Clifford: A Captain? Rubbish. A captain of militia making a mere pittance can scarcely measure up to a barony – and I didn’t purchase that knighthood for you just because it made you sound important, lad. You need to do something with it. Renart: Such as, Father? [GRAMS: Drumming of fingertips on wood] Clifford: Stop that, you know it irritates me. Got the habit from your mother, I dare say. Now, I have eyes and ears still, boy, and I’ve heard about this Highwayman they have hereabouts. Renart: The Highwayman! That’s about all we hear about down here. Lord Morgan’s constantly in a pet about his depredations. Clifford: And well he should be, my lad. (sound of drinking) Morgan’s a tyrant on his lands, and someone needs to stand up for the hard-working furs he has. And that someone should be you, not some fancy Dan in a cloak. Rackham: (coughs) Renart: You’re comparing me to the Highwayman, Father? I say, that’s droll. How do I measure up to a thief? Gallivanting around at all hours of the night, fighting with the soldiers and stealing. Clifford: None of your sauce, William. The Renarts have been in this county for far too long not to have any sympathy for those who do hard work with their paws. You can’t just sit on your tail all your life. Make something of yourself! Renart: There was that trip to France, Father - [GRAMS: Wood chair creaking] Clifford: Yes, and the Queen was quite properly grateful for it. But you need to do something for the common people, lad. (yawns) I’m sorry, but I’m tired and the trip’s put me on edge. I’m sorry for snapping at you, William. Renart: It’s all right, Father. No harm done. Rackham: I’ll see you to your room, Lord Clifford. Clifford: Thank you, James. [GRAMS: Door opening, footsteps, door closing] [GRAMS: Drumming on arm of chair] Renart: (mutters) If he only knew . . . [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sounds of tankards clinking] Bartender (Alvin Bradshaw): Welcome to the Green Tabard – oh, it’s you, Bullock. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps, heavy paw thumping the bar] William “Bill” Bullock (Jonas Acme): I’ll have a pint of your best. It’s going to be a long night. Bartender: Oh? Going out poaching from henhouses again? Bullock: No, I’m going out looking for the Highwayman. That bragging little thief won’t get away from me this time. Bartender: (chuckles) So that’s why you have a sword at your hip today, eh? Here’s your ale. And why boast? There’s no one in here this time of day. [GRAMS: Sound of tankard on the wooden bar] Bullock: I’m not boasting. Bartender: Who’s going to pay your bar tab after you’re dead, I wonder? Bullock: None of that, you little squinty-eyed squirrel, or I’ll have you in jail. Bartender: (laughs) If I want to, Bill Bullock, I’ll have you in debtor’s prison for not paying your bar bill. Bullock: (splutters) I’m your best customer. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Bartender: No argument there. Sir William! What can I do for you? Renart: Hello, Pat. James sent word that he needed a pot of honey. Seems my father likes honey on his bread. Bartender: (chuckles) Who doesn’t? Here you are. [GRAMS: Sound of drinking] Renart: Why, Constable Bullock! What are you doing with a sword on your hip? I wasn’t aware that apples could fight back . . . Bartender: (chuckles) Bullock: Sir William, I am going hunting for the Highwayman, and not for any old apples. Renart: The Highwayman! You might want to be careful then. I hear he’s a master swordsman. [GRAMS: Sound of tankard hitting the bar] Bullock: (growls) I’ll master him, sir. He won’t get away from me. Renart: Good luck to you then. Thanks for the honey, Pat. Bartender: Good day to you, Sir William. [GRAMS: Door opening, closing] Bartender: Now, Bullock, I’m going out back to check on something. No sneaking another tankard of ale, mind. Bullock: You can count on me. [GRAMS: Door opening, closing] Bullock: While he’s gone, I’ll just fill my tankard again. He didn’t have the tap closed, poor fellow. All I’m doing is saving his ale for him. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Highwayman: Saving it for that fat gullet of yours, Bullock? Bullock: What? Zounds! The Highwayman! [GRAMS: Sound of tankard hitting the floor, liquid splashing; sound of sword being drawn] Bullock: I have you now, you villain! Highwayman: He may be bovine, but he has a bite. Very well. Have at you! [GRAMS: Sound of sword fight, tables and chairs overturned; Bullock wheezing] Highwayman: Getting a little short of breath, Bullock? Well, I’d love to stay and play but I’ll go easy on you. [GRAMS: Sound of running footsteps; sound of door opening] Bartender: What! What’s been going on in here, Bullock? Bullock: I was . . . the Highwayman . . . he was here; I beat him . . . Bartender: Beat him, huh? Where’s the blood? Bullock: What? Bartender: You heard me – if you bested the best swordsman in this county, where’s the blood? The only blood I see on the floor is made with barley. Bullock: I bested him, I tell you! And as soon as I catch my breath – and have another ale – I’ll go after him. I swear I’ll have that fox’s brush hanging from the wall of the jail! [Musical bridge] Announcer: Kids! Isn’t the summer fun? Fishing, swimming and playing out in the sunshine? But it does get hot out there, doesn’t it? That’s why United Dairies is happy to sell Happy Valley ice cream, available at your local grocery! It’s cold and creamy, and comes in a rainbow of flavors from vanilla to cool, frosty mint. Ask your Mom and Dad to buy you the treat that stops the heat – Happy Valley ice cream, from United Dairies! [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of silverware, soft music in background] Lord Richard Morgan (Alvin Bradshaw): And then, Lord, Clifford, - if you can believe it – that rogue had the blasted impertinence to kiss my daughter! Clifford: My word, Richard! You must have been livid! Morgan: I still am. The confounded nerve of that fox. At least Captain de Winter showed up and saved my darling. Lady Amy Morgan (Lilly Lamont): Father, you treat me like I’m a little girl sometimes. I’m twenty, for goodness’ sake. Morgan: Young ladies – of whatever age – don’t consort with thieves and ruffians, Amy. Clifford: Hear, hear! I hear that your daughter and my son have been making eyes at one another, Richard. Amy: Lord Clifford! Clifford: Nonsense, my dear, don’t blush. You’re a very attractive girl. With no disrespect, I can see why the Highwayman kissed you. My son would be an excellent match for you, isn’t that right, William? Renart: I suppose, Father. Clifford: You suppose? Renart: Yes, Father. Morgan: I believe, Sir William, that your father intends you to woo my daughter. Renart: I had gathered that, sir. [GRAMS: Decanter being opened, liquid pouring] Renart: I suppose it’d be a good match, with any children of ours heir to both fortunes. Clifford: Exactly, my boy. So, will you woo her, or not? Amy: Father . . . Morgan: Hush, my dear. Renart: Well, if it’s a matter of property, let’s have done with it, shall we? I mean, wooing’s a waste of time so long as everyone gets what they want. Amy: You . . . The Highwayman’s twice the fur you are! OOOH! [GRAMS: Chair scraping, rapid footsteps, closing door] Morgan: Amy! (growls) SIR William . . . Clifford: Will, you . . . Renart: Hmm. I wonder what got into her? If you don’t mind, Father, I’m going to retire early. Clifford: Yes, I think you should. We’ll discuss this in the morning, Will. Renart: As you say, Father. (yawns) Lord Richard. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening and closing] Clifford: (muttering) Fool. And after all the money I’ve spent on his upbringing. Who would have thought he’d turn his nose up at your daughter? Morgan: I wouldn’t have expected it. He’s always been a perfect host – and guest, for that matter. Clifford: Well, it might be he resents us two old scrappers trying to make decisions for him. Tell you what, let’s collect the Madeira and go talk about it, shall we? Morgan: (laughs) Excellent idea! (musical bridge) [GRAMS: Breeze rustling leaves, crickets chirping] Amy: Oooh! That fox! He infuriates me so! (sighs) Why, oh why couldn’t he . . . [GRAMS: Owl hooting] Amy: (chuckles) Oh, you know who. (sighs) The Highwayman. Such a choice – on the one paw, money, title and security; on the other . . . (sighs) . . . romance . . . [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps] Amy: Who’s there? Highwayman: Good evening, my Lady. Amy: Oh! It’s you! Come to apologize, have you? Highwayman: Apologize? (chuckles) Far from it; I had thought you might want another kiss. [GRAMS: Sound of slap] Amy: There! That’s all the kiss you’ll get. Highwayman: (chuckles) Well, here’s a saucy girl, and no mistake. Tell me, Lady Amy, do you intend to treat your future husband the same way? Amy: You dirty little eavesdropper - [GRAMS: Sound of slap] Highwayman: Stop that, my Lady, or I’ll hit you back. Eavesdropper? In a way – it’s no secret in the county that you have two aspirants for your lovely paw. Amy: You’re a very good eavesdropper, then. Highwayman: I live – and die – by my wits, my Lady. [GRAMS: Dog barking] Amy: What’s that? Your doing? Highwayman: (chuckles) No, probably just a stray rabbit. None of my doing. My lady, I see you out here and sighing like someone who’s lovestruck. Amy: What business is it of yours? Highwayman: There’s a decided shortage of beautiful young ladies in the world, and even a thief like myself would rather not see their number shortened. Who is it you pine for? Captain de Winter? Amy: Him? For a captain of militia, Captain de Winter is beneath my station – so Father says. Highwayman: I see. And what of the lord of this manor? Amy: Sir William? (laughs) He’s bloodless – actually bored with the idea that he should actually woo me! Highwayman: Hmm. He does a lot more for the commoners of this county than you might expect, Lady. I see many things, and hear more. So, if you don’t want Captain de Winter, and Sir William is cold to your charms, who are you so sick in love for? Amy: Um . . . (softly) You . . . Highwayman: (laughs) Amy: What? Highwayman: Me?! My Lady, you think rather highly of a dirty little eavesdropper and thief, don’t you? Well, my thanks for the compliment, and for your kind thoughts I’ll claim that kiss. [GRAMS: Sound of kiss] Highwayman: Now, my dear, best you get back inside. The night air’s not healthy for you, and I’m sure your father will be looking for you. Fare well. Amy: Fare well. [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sound of silverware on pewter plates] Clifford: William! Where are you, lad? Rackham: Sorry, Your Lordship, Sir William’s still in bed. Can I offer you some breakfast? Clifford: Excellent notion, James! Say, while I’m waiting for my breakfast, suppose you answer a question? Rackham: I’ll try to, Your Lordship. Clifford: It’s like this, James: What in God’s Name has gotten into my son? He wasn’t like this when he went to Oxford, and I know neither I nor my wife raised him to act like a layabout. Rackham: Well, sir, if I may make so bold I think his attitude is a result of being rushed. He likes to take things in his own good time. Clifford: Hmm! So you think I’m rushing him into this? Rackham: That’s not for me to say, sir. You know your own mind. Sir William is a fur of great charity and cares a great deal about the common people around here. Clifford: Are you saying that as his servant? Rackham: As his friend, sir. Clifford: Then as his friend, I tell you that I’ll go a bit easier on him. [GRAMS: Door opening] Renart: (yawns) Good morning, Father. Clifford: Good morning, William. You’re up late. Renart: I usually am, Father. I did hear a horse earlier. Rackham: Captain de Winter arrived, sir, to discuss some matters with Lord Morgan. [GRAMS: Sound of curtain being pulled aside] Clifford: And it looks like he has other business to do with the cadet line of the Morgan name. Renart: Let me see. Hmm, ‘pon my word, Captain de Winter seems a bit eager. (musical bridge) Captain Adam de Winter (Rocky Rococo): Please, my Lady - Amy: Once again, Captain, I am not interested in marrying you. De Winter: My Lady – Amy – your father and I have had consultations concerning you. Amy: Concerning me? [GRAMS: Sound of shoes crunching across gravel] De Winter: Don’t walk away from me. I’m talking to you. Amy: And I, sir, am not one of your soldiers. And you and my father conniving behind my back – De Winter: Why, you little – I swear I’ll make you my wife. Amy: Get your paws off me! [GRAMS: Sound of scuffle] [GRAMS: Sound of something heavy striking flesh] De Winter: OWWooowwwww . . . [GRAMS: Sound of Captain de Winter falling to the gravel] Amy: Hmmph! Ah, Captain? You didn’t realize pointed shoes with silver tips were in fashion in London, did you? Now, I’m going indoors. Good day! De Winter: (moans) Bullock: Captain? We’re ready to ride back to the barracks. De Winter: (strained falsetto) Coming, Constable. [Musical bridge] Announcer: Stay tuned to this station, Station ZYPR for the thrilling conclusion of this week’s episode of “The Highwayman!” But first we here at ZYPR want to offer a musical intermission, so here’s two short native songs performed by the Two Elks Clan all the way from Great Wolf Lake. [Performance by the Two Elks Clan] [Pause for applause] Announcer: Weren’t they great, folks? The Two Elks Clan will be attending the Midsummer Potlatch later this month along with other tribes and clans. Be sure to come to the Seathl Fairgrounds for the food and the entertainment! [Musical bridge] Announcer: And now, Station ZYPR, the Transportation Collective and United Dairies are pleased to present the exciting conclusion of this week’s episode of “The Highwayman!” [Musical bridge] [GRAMS: Sounds of several horses galloping, occasional gunshot (galloping sounds throughout scene)] Highwayman: On, Concorde! Those militia can’t hit the broad side of a barn at this range and in the moonlight . . . [GRAMS: Sound of ricochet] Highwayman: Of course, they could get lucky. Bullock: Come on, men! We’ve got him now! De Winter: You’ll look pretty swinging at the end of a noose, Highwayman! Highwayman: (laughs) You think so, de Winter? De Winter: By God, I’ll teach you to rob the London coach! Highwayman: No need, Captain! I already know how! [GRAMS: Snap of leather reins] Highwayman: On, Concorde! [GRAMS: Sound of galloping receding into the distance; other galloping sounds come to a halt, horses whinnying] De Winter: Drat! Where’s he gone? Bullock: He’s got away again, sir. Hmm. De Winter: What, Bullock? Bullock: Oh, pardon me, Captain. I was just thinking. De Winter: Oh? With what? And what about, apart from where you’ll cadge your next meal? Bullock: Well, sir . . . this is the second time we’ve tracked the Highwayman this far, to the Green Tabard Tavern. De Winter: And what of that? I suppose you want a tankard of beer for that great steaming belly of yours? [GRAMS: Door opening] Pat: Who’s there, making all the ruckus? [GRAMS: Sound of flintlock cocking] Bullock: Stop right there, you! Soldiers, take that man into custody! [GRAMS: Sound of running footsteps, brief scuffle] Pat: Let go of me! What’s the meaning of this, Bullock? De Winter: Yes, I’m interested in hearing about this as well, bartender. Well, Bullock? We’re waiting. Tell us what may have surfaced in the dark recesses of your brain. Bullock: Each time, sir, we chase that Highwayman he always leads us to about here, then vanishes. I think that this squirrel here might know something about it. Pat: What!? Bullock, are you mad? De Winter: Shut up, you. Hmm. You might actually have something there, Bullock. After all, the Highwayman’s the friend of the common man, isn’t he? Pat: (splutters) I don’t know anything about no Highwayman! Bullock, you’re just trying to get out of paying your bar bill - Bullock: Enough out of you! Soldiers, take him away and lock him up. Let a few days in a cell loosen his tongue. [GRAMS: Footsteps, muffled protestations from Pat; receding] De Winter: I hope this will work, Bullock. Bullock: It’ll work, Captain. Either he knows something, or the fact he’s locked up will lure the Highwayman out into the open. [GRAMS: Sound of fumbling] [GRAMS: Sound of gun going off] [GRAMS: Sound of horse whinnying in fright] De Winter: BULLOCK! Bullock: Sir! De Winter: Watch where you’re aiming that infernal thing! Bullock: Sorry, sir. [GRAMS: Sound of slap] Bullock: Ow! De Winter: You nearly shot my horse out from under me, you fool! Now, let’s get back to the barracks. Bullock: Yes, sir. De Winter: We’ve got ten stalls that you need to muck out. Bullock: But – yes, yes, sir. [GRAMS: Horses galloping, receding] [GRAMS: Hoofbeats, rustling leaves] Highwayman: Hmm! What was that all about? First they stop pursuing me, then a shot! I wonder if Bullock shot anyone . . . Hello! The tavern’s door is hanging open. Stay, Concorde. [GRAMS: Footsteps] Highwayman: Signs of a struggle, all right. And Pat’s gone. I hope he didn’t come out spoiling for a fight . . . (Musical bridge) Renart: Arrested! Lord Morgan, what was he arrested for? He’s only a tavern keeper . . . Morgan: Captain de Winter and Constable Bullock ordered his arrest, Sir William. Renart: But why? And why didn’t I hear about it? The Green Tabard’s in my demesne, as I recall. De Winter: Tut, tut, Sir William! Hot pursuit and all that, you know. We have every right to pursue a felon across the country. Renart: (growls) I was addressing Lord Morgan, Captain de Winter. And I remind you that you are a guest in my house. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps] Clifford: Here, now! William, what’s all this noise about? Renart: Father, excuse me for raising a fuss, but one of my tenants has been arrested. De Winter: He has, yes. And we’ll be asking him questions about the Highwayman. Renart: Oh? Do you think the Highwayman gets his beer there? Maybe, like my father, he likes honey with his breakfast? Rackham: (laughs) Clifford: Richard, what’s the meaning of this? Morgan: Clifford, the good Captain here says that the man might give us an idea regarding the whereabouts of the Highwayman. Renart: And I say that it’s stuff and nonsense, Father. Pat’s been working in that tavern since his father left it to him. He’s one of the best tenants I have. De Winter: And if he knows anything, Sir William, I’ll get it from him, never fear. Renart: How? I won’t stand idly by and let you or that fathead Bullock torture him. People do have rights in this country, after all. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Morgan: Amy, good morning! Rest assured, Sir William, I will not allow the man’s rights to be trampled. Renart: (off-mike) I hope not, Morgan, for your sake. Renart: I’ll accept the word of a gentleman, Lord Morgan. Lady Amy, good morning. Amy: Good morning, Sir William, Father. Lord Clifford, how are you today? [GRAMS: Sound of chair being moved] Renart: James, fetch some breakfast for Lady Amy, and some tea, please. Rackham: Yes, sir. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps] [GRAMS: (off-mike) Sound of door opening, closing] Renart: Lady Amy, you look quite ravishing today. Did you sleep well? Amy: Why, yes, thank you Sir William. I must confess I’m somewhat surprised. Renart: Why? Amy: You seemed rather indifferent to my feelings the other day, as I recall. Renart: Did I? Clifford: You very plainly did, lad. [GRAMS: Sound of paw being smacked against forehead] Renart: Zounds! Yes, I did, didn’t I? Lady Amy, please accept my sincere apologies. After all, it’s dashed bad manners for a host to be indifferent to his guests. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? Amy: (soft giggle) Sir William, how can I stay angry at such an earnest apology? Accepted, of course. [GRAMS: Footsteps] Rackham: Your breakfast, Lady Amy. Amy: Thank you, James. Mmm, the porridge smells heavenly. How does your cook do it, Sir William? Renart: (chuckles) A little drop of honey, if I recall. Of course, deliveries may be delayed – the man I buy from is in jail. Amy: Oh, dear. Morgan: (laughs) So, Sir William, trying to enlist my daughter’s aid in getting your man out of jail? Renart: It was a thought, my Lord. Oh, Captain de Winter, may I have a word with you in private? De Winter: Of course, sir. Renart: This way, please. [GRAMS: Footsteps, door opening and closing] De Winter: Yes, sir? Renart: Captain, you might be interested in knowing that my windows overlook the courtyard. De Winter: Oh? Renart: Yes. And may I say that, if you ever try to molest a guest on my property again, this - [GRAMS: Sound of punch, body hitting floor] Renart: Will be the least that will happen to you. Good day. (Musical bridge) Announcer: Hey kids! While Captain de Winter looks for an ice pack for his nose, United Dairies, that cool treat that beats the heat, has an important announcement! Starting this week, United Dairies will be selling a new treat, the FreeziDuzzit! It’s frozen United Dairies ice cream and dark rich chocolate on a stick so you can take it anywhere. And for a limited time only, we’ve molded the FreeziDuzzit in the shape of the Highwayman! Now you can do something that Constable Bullock and Captain de Winter never can, and give the Highwayman a good licking! United Dairies, the best way to beat the heat. And now, back to our program! (Musical bridge) [GRAMS: Sound of china cups] [GRAMS: Sound of door opening] Amy: Good afternoon, Father, Lord Clifford. Morgan: Hello, my angel. Did you have a good nap? Amy: Yes, I did. Janus Manor’s really a very well-favored place. Clifford: (chuckles) My granddad thought so – that’s why he bought it. Morgan: Will you have some tea, Amy? Amy: Oh, thank you, Father. Just a small cup. Is Sir William about? Clifford: He went to fetch his tenant out of jail. Amy: Oh. I wanted to talk to him. Morgan: What about, my child? Amy: If you must know, Father, I wanted to know if he’s still indifferent to me. Clifford: (laughs) My dear girl, I have it on good authority that my son is far from indifferent to you. [GRAMS: Sound of footsteps, door opening] Amy: Whose authority, sir? Clifford: His servant, Little Jimmy. You know who I mean. Amy: (giggles) I’ve always wondered why he’s called ‘Little.’ After all, he stands over six feet, even without his antlers, and I swear he must weigh almost twenty stone. Renart: It’s a joke, Lady Amy. James has always had people jest with him about his size. Father, Lord Morgan, good afternoon. Clifford: William! Good to see you back so quickly. Did everything go well at the jail? Renart: Yes, Father. Pat’s at home now, being looked after by his wife and children. Amy: Oh, I’m so glad, Sir William. I do hope he wasn’t mistreated. Renart: You are very kind, Lady Amy. No, he wasn’t mistreated – just in need of new clothes and a long bath. In fact, I think I may need one, myself – the straw on the floor had some unwanted tenants of its own living in it. If you will all excuse me? Amy: Sir William, wait! I’d like to talk with you. Renart: (chuckles) My Lady, you might not want to get too close to me, or you could end up sharing my bath. (All laugh) Amy: Oh, Sir William! I must say you have the most astounding ability to make me blush. Well then, may I at least speak to you through the door? [GRAMS: Footsteps, receding; door opening] Renart: (chuckles) Yes, it’d be like that Greek play, Pyramid and Frisby, wouldn’t it? Dashed romantic and all. I’ll send James to you when everything’s ready. Amy: Thank you, Sir William! (giggles) [GRAMS: Door closing] Clifford: I think my son’s starting to warm toward your girl, Richard. Morgan: Hmm, yes, it does appear that way. I had a bit of a chat with Amy this morning, and while she still seems receptive of your son, I couldn’t help notice something. Clifford: (slurps tea noisily) Oh? What? Morgan: Erm, yes. She was talking about the Highwayman, and I noticed a sigh when she said the name of that rascal. Clifford: (splutters) You don’t mean she has an infatuation with this rogue? Morgan: I’m not sure, and it may just be a silly girl’s sense of romance. Clifford: Well, for your sake I hope that’s all it is. Who’d want a man like the Highwayman for an in-law? (both laugh) (Musical bridge) [GRAMS: Night sounds] [GRAMS: Galloping horses; whinnies, galloping comes to a stop] Highwayman: Stand and deliver! Rich Person: Good Lord! The Highwayman! Highwayman: The same. Give over your money, my Lord. R.P.: Yes, yes . . . please, don’t shoot. Here. [GRAMS: Sound of coins clinking in sack] Highwayman: My thanks, my Lord. The oppressed working furs hereabouts shall thank you. R.P.: Working furs! You mean you don’t keep the money for yourself? Highwayman: Certainly not. Now, be off with you! I hear the night watch! [GRAMS: Sound of galloping horses; sound of gunshot] Soldier: The Highwayman! There he is! Highwayman: Time for me to go. On, Concorde! [GRAMS: Galloping horses throughout; sound starts to fade] Highwayman: Looks like I’ve given them the slip for now – eh? What’s that? [GRAMS: Sound of galloping horse, approaching] Highwayman: Good Lord, it’s Amy! Fine time for her to show up. [GRAMS: Horses whinnying as they are reined in, two pairs of feet striking ground] Amy: Highwayman! I wanted to talk to you! Highwayman: This isn’t a good time, my Lady. I’m being pursued, and people’s tongues would wag if you were seen. Amy: But - [GRAMS: Galloping horses, approaching] Highwayman: Blast! Come, into the tavern – we can hide. Concorde, go! And take her horse with you! [GRAMS: Sound of slap; horses whinnying and galloping off] [GRAMS: Sound of door opening and closing] Highwayman: Now, let’s hope they didn’t see us come in here. What did you want to talk to me about, my Lady? Amy: Um . . . well, I . . . Highwayman: You want to come with me, don’t you? You innocent little fool – this isn’t a game. I do this to help the furs ground down under your father’s heel. I’m as good as dead if I’m caught. Is that the life you want? Amy: No . . . but . . . [GRAMS: Sound of galloping horses reining to a stop] Bullock: I swear they came in here, Captain! [GRAMS: Door being shaken] Bullock: The door’s wedged from inside! He has to be in here! De Winter: Gather brush, men. We’ll burn him out, or burn the place down over his ears. Amy: (gasps) Highwayman: As I say, it’s not a game. I must keep you safe until help arrives. Amy: Help? Highwayman: My horse is well-trained, my Lady – and I have friends in these parts. Now, to keep you safe. Places like this were known to have a hiding place – ah! [GRAMS: Sound of wooden panel being shoved aside] Highwayman: In you get, my Lady. [GRAMS: Sound of wooden panel being replaced] [GRAMS: Sound of crackling flames] Highwayman: You damn fool, Bullock! Where will you get your ale now? Bullock: Oh ho! So you are in there, you mangy fox. We’ll soon have you cooked. Highwayman: I’ve gotten away before. (aside) And I hope I manage it this time too . . . [GRAMS: Sound of flames] [GRAMS: Off-mike, sound of fist striking flesh] Bullock: It’s roast fox for supper, eh Captain? Captain? [GRAMS: Sound of fist striking flesh] Bullock: (groans) Jimmy: Highwayman? Highwayman: Thank the Lord . . . yes, I’m in here! Jimmy: Stand back – I’ll batter the door down. [GRAMS: Sound of impact, wood splintering] Highwayman: God’s truth, Jimmy, I’ve never been happier to see you. Now, head back to the house while I get Amy. Jimmy: She’s here? Highwayman: I had to hide her in the priest’s hole. Jimmy: (laughs) Naughty. Well, I’ll see you back at the house. (musical bridge) Clifford: Good morning, William. Say! Is that smoke over there in the distance? Renart: Yes, Father. I got the whole story from one of the servants. It seems that Bullock and de Winter burned down the tavern. Clifford: What! Why? Renart: They thought the Highwayman was inside. Bullock gave out a story about being overpowered, so that fox might have friends. Clifford: If he’s a friend to the common folk, he should have friends. Good morning, my dear! Amy: Good morning, Lord Clifford. Isn’t it too bad about the tavern burning? Clifford: Indeed, yes, and I have the perfect idea. As soon as things cool off, we should have it rebuilt, don’t you think? Renart: Of course it should, Father. Clifford: And I can think of nothing better than to have you help rebuild the place. It’ll give the people around here a higher opinion of you. Renart: What? Well, if you put it that way . . . Amy: Sir William, I think you’d look quite handsome exerting yourself. Clifford: Yes, I suppose he would my dear. (chuckles) And we can have a lovely outing and watch him. Wouldn’t you like that, my dear? Amy: Oh, Lord Clifford . . . (sighs) Please agree to help, Sir William. Please? Renart: I can’t refuse you, my Lady. But allow me to check with Jimmy and see if there are any tools here that can be used. Amy: Of course, Sir William. Renart: Excellent. I’ll be back shortly, and then we’ll round up Pat and a few others and get started. [GRAMS: Sound of door opening, closing] Renart: (aside) Morgan, de Winter and Bullock might not be able to catch the Highwayman, but I’m not so certain about young Amy. (chuckles) But as long as there are those who make the poor and powerless suffer, beware! The Highwayman is on your tail! [Music, then end.] Announcer: That concludes this week’s thrilling episode of The Highwayman, brought to you by United Dairies, makers of Happy Valley Ice Cream, the treat that beats the heat. Announcer: You know, traveling can be a bit of a chore. Keeping track of everything can really distract you away from enjoying yourself. That’s why the Rain Island Transportation Collective is proud to present our new package holidays! For a single low price, all of your travel and accommodation needs will be met, leaving you to relax! The Collective’s trains, ferries and cruise liners are some of the best in the world, thanks to hard-working men and women who know that what you need on vacation is relaxation, not problems. And how do they know? Because they’re workers, just like you are! Our latest vacation package is two weeks in tropical Spontoon, with cruise tickets and hotel rooms covered in the price of the package. All you’ll have to do is pack light, because it’s warm down there in the summer! Remember, if you’re going from one town to another, or taking a vacation, relax and leave your troubles in the paws of the hard-working furs of the Rain Island Transportation Collective! [Music: “See the Conquering Hero Comes” from Handel’s "Judas Maccabaeus" under the announcer] Announcer: You have been listening to the Highwayman adventure “Tavern of Death,” written by W.D. Reimer, E.O. Costello and M. Mitchell Marmel, and based on characters created by W.D. Reimer. Sir William Renart was played by Dave Casman, Lord Clifford Renart by George Papoon, Pat and Lord Richard Morgan by Alvin Bradshaw, Lady Amy Morgan by Lilly Lamont. Little James Rackham was played by “Happy” Harry Cox, Captain de Winter by Rocky Rococo, and Constable Bullock by Jonas Acme. Additional parts were played by the Radiocast Collective Players – Anselmo Pederazy, Frank Acne Jr., Melanie Haber, Audrey Farber, and Susan Underhill. The Two Elks Clan appeared on this program through the courtesy of the Tribal Federation of Rain Island. Musical arrangements were made by Betty Jo Bialowski, and the program was directed by Eric O. Costello. Tune in again this same time next Sunday for another thrilling adventure of “The Highwayman.” This is Ken Fletcher, speaking for the Rain Island Transportation Collective. [Music: "Light Cavalry Overture" closing bars] Announcer: This is the Rain Island Radiocast Collective. [Gong in major thirds] Announcer: Stay tuned for "The Dinner Hour Concert," coming up next. Transcribed and edited by Walter D. Reimer |