Spontoon Island
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1 October 2007
| "Valentines Dazed"
by E.O. Costello, M. Mitchell Marmel, & Walter D. Reimer All characters © their respective creators "Dash it all, why would he call ME Agent Fawnsworthy? Pretty rum, if you ask me." Willow gave me... an odd look and bade me go on. "Dashed silly, of course. I mean, he must have you mixed up with some other Fawnsworthy. I mean, who'd believe you running around waving a gun and pawcuffs, and hauling the badfurs off to pain and durance vile?" A deucedly strained smile from my beloved. "Well, Reggie, what do you, er, think?" I frowned. "Well, hang it all, Willow, this chap's going to investigate Les. Over Inocenta, mark you. Can't have that. Supposing this bird gives the bird to Les and Inocenta making the happy couple? That puts Inocenta at liberty, and Reginald behind the old eight-ball." Willow stiffened a bit, then nodded thanks as I patted her paw. "So, what do you propose to do about it?" "Well, I promised the chap that, seeing as I knew Les and was friendly with him, I'd help him with the investigation. But I'm not sure where to start." Silence fell, and both of us tried to think. I rather think La Fawnsworthy was better at it than I. Certainly, she had more practice. Eventually, she smiled a bit. "I think it's very decent of you to help Les, Reggie. Here’s my idea: Go out and keep this Phlute character occupied and away from Les and Inocenta. I'll lift the one-drink maximum that I put on you. While you're doing that, I'll have a talk with Lodge, and I'll see if we can't square things for good." My ears went straight up, then straight down. "Errrrr...Willow? Are you sure this is all right? I mean, the G&Ts and all..." She put her paw in mine and gazed into my eyes. I could swear I saw them brighten a bit. "Reggie, with a few G&Ts in you, nothing in the world can stop you." I do believe she meant it, too. *****
"Pssssst! Harry!" "Wha---Gordie, it's two a.m. What the hell are you calling me for at this hour?!" "He's back!!" "Who's back?" "Mr. Buckhorn! He's back in form!" "He's....he is?!? Since when?" "Since tonight. I mixed the drinks for him myself. I don't know how, I don't know why, but he's BACK! Just in time, too. They just left the bar, and flagged down Reggie's native driver. I'm not sure, but I think they're out strategizing." "Good God. He's hoisting them again. You know what that means." "Don't I know it!" "DOUBLE SHIFTS! Hurrah! 'Bout time!" *****
"Lodge?" "Sir?" "Precisely why am I draped over the top of the sofa?" "That would be traceable, Sir, to the means by which Mr. Po'na deposited you at approximately four this morning." "Hang it all, why didn't he deposit me in my bed?" "Mr. Po'na had already emplaced Mr. Phlute there, Sir. He felt that Mr. Phlute was more in need of some bed-rest than you were. I believe that the gentleman has not developed the capacity for absorbing ardent spirits that you have, through long experience." "Well, I hope he's developing experience in dealing with hangovers. Mark you, all this blood rushing to my head is somehow proving a relief." "If you say so, Sir. I trust you will be staying in, this afternoon?" "No, Lodge. Duty calls, and the call must be answered. I've sworn an oath to La Fawnsworthy that I was going to put the kibosh on this investigation of Le duCleds. Strictly a case of return with my ricksha or on it. Speaking of La Fawnsworthy, have you seen ear or flag of same about?" "Both Miss Fawnsworthy, and for that matter, Miss Baumgartner, are to my understanding attending to other matters. Miss Baumgartner is leaving the Islands on personal business, or so I am informed." "So many furs, so many noses to poink, Lodge." "Perhaps, Sir. May I enquire as to how Mr. Phlute is getting on?" "Can one be getting on when one is going around in circles, Lodge?" "A philosophical question, Sir." "Quite. I enjoyed the philosophy lectures at Penn. One of the few courses where it paid to have a few G&Ts above one's belt before entering the groves of academe." "Indeed, Sir. But to return to the question at paw: are you keeping Mr. Phlute busy?" "If he were any busier, Lodge, he would have a flat tail and a marked taste for pine bark." "Ah." "What's more, I've got a corker of an idea, just now. It's amazing how impending death focuses the mind." "One doubts Dr. Johnson had a hangover in mind, Sir." "Well, this is a piping-hot idea, Lodge. If it were any more so, you'd have to serve crackers with it. It will need some days to simmer, though. Leave me be to work out the details, Lodge, and draw my bath. Furthermore, lay out my best creating-a-public-disturbance clothes." "Sir, I would think that most inadvisable. You will recall what Magistrate Spaniel said a few weeks ago." "Lodge, turn your head upside down and look me in my bloodshot eyes. Do you fancy the idea of having to work for Inocenta de Ciervos?" "An extreme extrapolation of the possibilities, Sir." "Well, La Cupcake is an extreme case. She is best left to the likes of a duCleds, who are far more used to dealing with dynamite in all its forms." "As you wish, Sir." next |