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[A public service
announcement from the Ravin-Raven Radio & Newsreel Network!]
Pumpkin Tiki Sacrifices! It is 1935!
See the primitive rites of the harvest festivals! The dying heads of the pumpkin-folk piled in pyramids at the altar-tables of the roasting oven temples! The dances of the Squash Maidens! The prancing with the Pumpkin heads! Heads carved open and the innards scooped out with sticky paws, wet fibers plopping into slimy seed-gooey piles! PUMPKIN SACRIFICE! Shells of heads carved into gruesome guro tiki tribal features! Burning flame for Brains! Orange glowing eyes in the darkness of the dancing groves! SQUASH-A-NALIA!
PUMPKIN HEADS!
KISSED BY SPICY half-to-three-quarters naked SAVAGE DANCERS! HOT SPICY PIES! EATEN! EVEN BY CHILDREN! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! [Coming soon: A
documentary of Spontoon Archipelago savagery,
here on the Ravin-Raven Radio & Newsreel Network!] |
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Pumpkin Worship
An article discovered by our informant Taral Wayne Anthropomorphologist from Toronto, Ontario. "Pumpkin worship by the modern peoples of the Central Pacific islands is commonly thought to be a distant memory of primeval head hunting customs. Certainly it is true that the islanders of the Cook, Nimitz, and Piccard Seas did engage in head hunting wars long before the advent of European and Asian explorers in the 15th. and 16th. centuries. Many intact skull shrines are still popular tourist stops, particularly in the Spontoon Island Independencies, where they are protected by law. (Elsewhere they have been largely vandalized by unscrupulous relic hunters, and religious bigots.) Another often heard theory is that the worship of pumpkins is a recent import from Europe, and indeed the Hallowe'en pumpkin is conflated in the popular imagination with the true Spontoon (or other Island) pumpkin. Nor is it to be confused with The Great Pumpkin, a spurious invention dating from mid-20th. century America. The true origin of Central Pacific pumpkin reverence lies elsewhere. To understand it, we must look instead to the moon. Anyone who has seen the great silvery orb of our sister planet, hanging over the dark Pacific, must remark on its ghostly features! The early peoples of the Central Pacific saw no "Man in the Moon" but a ghastly goblin. It leered down at them, hungering for the souls of anyone on the water after the sun had set. Often enough it's hunger was satisfied, as fishers frequently failed to return as expected at nightfall. To mark the home of a family whose son or father or brother had fed the insatiable goblin moon that night, neighbors carved its likeness on the Mocha-Moshe island fruit, and left its grinning presence by the hut door. In later centuries the island fruit was replaced almost universally in cultivation by European crops. The great orange pumpkin, though the colour of blood and therefore life, replaced the Mocha-Moshe's pale skull like form. Similarly, the islanders grew to depend less on fish as a livelihood, and loses to the hungry moon diminished to rare occurrences. People began instead to place the image of the "living" moon outside their huts only during the Harvest Festival, a quaint remnant of the prior gloomy custom now celebrated by good cheer and feasting." -- from "The Bowl Under the Sky: Modern Pacific Rim
Folk Ways and Extinguished Customs of Past Ages", Prof. Roy
Hinkley, BS, MA, Ph.D., 1956, Castaway Press, Honolulu.
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| "Just imagine Fay Wray singing this with a
chorus of island maidens in that 1935 MGM Halloween epic that was
closed down by the Hayes Office:" - J. Maxwell Young " Spontoon Halloween Croon" Spontoon, Spontoon, Awash in a monsoon, Come Halloween It's seldom seen Because of the typhoon. Spontoon, Spontoon, Beneath the tropic moon, An orange glow From far below Recalls the tiki tune. Spontoon, Spontoon The island maidens croon. Spontoon, Spontoon, Across the ghostly dune. Spontoon, Spontoon, All gone so very soon, Spontoon, Spontoon, Spontoon. -Lyrics by J. Maxwell Young |

